Green Juice
First sip: “This tastes like dirt, or a freshly mowed lawn.” Second sip: “No, dirt. Definitely dirt. They should just call it dirt juice.”
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Quinoa
She said her quinoa was good. It wasn’t good. It was terrible and tasted like mini burnt popcorn. I like most foods, but quinoa definitely isn’t good.”
Brussels Sprouts
They smell like wet dog when they’re ‘cooked.’ And then they don’t taste like anything. But my girlfriend has been on this kick, so I guess I’m on this kick too.”
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Kombucha
Kombucha! I can’t stand it. It’s like dirty lake water that’s been carbonated. I honestly can’t think of anything that tastes similar to it—but I imagine battery acid comes close.
Zucchini
“It’s an inferior cucumber in every possible way. The skin is coarser, the taste is more bitter, and it is not even remotely refreshing. Also, it disguises itself as a cucumber, so you get home from the grocery store and realize you didn’t buy a cucumber after all.’
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Tofu
Tofu just scares me. It looks weird, the texture is weird, and tastes like nothing. I don’t understand it.”
Arugula
“Arugula is like eating a bitter, green skunk. But it’s in everything, and I feel like you’re seen as a barbarian if you don’t love it.
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Kale
“Kale sucks. Lettuce and salads suck in general, but at least lettuce has no taste. I’d rather gnaw on raw grass than eat raw kale. Ugh. That felt good to get off my chest.
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Beets
“My boyfriend hates beets. It drives me bonkers because I always want to split a beet salad with him before our entrees when we’re out to eat.
Gourds
“Any food that has to do with gourds—pumpkin, butternut squash, whatever. I don’t get it. Is the appeal that whatever you make with them smells like a Yankee Candle?
