Jax Taylor is opening up about the emotional toll of watching himself on The Valley Season 2 — a season that documented some of the darkest and most vulnerable moments of his life. In the latest episode of his podcast, In the Mind of a Man, the Vanderpump Rules alum revealed that watching the first episode of the Bravo show’s new season was a deeply painful experience.
“I did watch it. I sat in the corner and I cried my eyes out,” he admitted. “I was so disgusted about what I saw, about that shell of a human being that I was looking at, about how I acted.” Season 2 has shown Taylor navigating serious mental health struggles, including a bipolar disorder and PTSD diagnosis, his separation from wife Brittany Cartwright, and his entry into a medical facility for treatment.
Despite the challenges, Taylor chose to watch the premiere and confront his past head-on. “It was just utter disgust,” he confessed. “And, you know, I looked at it like, ‘Wow. I’m glad I watched this because I never wanna be that person again.’” Taylor said he hesitated for days before finally watching the episode, seeking advice from the show’s producers. “I was calling the producers.

I’m like, ‘Should I watch this? Should I watch this?’ Then I’m like, ‘I don’t wanna watch this,’” he recalled. “They’re like, ‘Jax, listen. It was a year ago. The show was shot a year ago. You are in a different place… You’ve grown a lot from this first episode. I think you should watch it.”
Reliving those moments proved overwhelming. “I just gave myself the ick… I looked disgusting. I was like 180 pounds. I just look gross,” he said. The experience was also a reminder of how far he’s come, especially in his journey to sobriety and self-care.
“I never wanna get back to — as much as I work out and take care of my body now, I could never put alcohol back in my body knowing what it does to it.” Taylor’s raw honesty is shedding new light on his mental health journey, offering a powerful message of growth, accountability, and the painful but necessary process of healing.
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