Think the spark has gone in your relationship after you had the children? Expert Samantha Evans shares 3 simple tips to help bring it back We all know that having a baby can mean less sex but when that child gets older, sex is back on the menu, right? Wrong! According to a survey conducted for Family Lives, parents of teenagers are the ones having the least sex. 66% of respondents had teenagers and 49% had children aged between 5-12 years.
Contrary to popular belief, these parents are not having very much sex and it isn’t caused by sleep deprivation or exhaustion caring for a small baby or toddler. 86% of parents said they had less sex after having children and 73% said that their sex life had got progressively worse since having children. For the parents of teenagers, lack of privacy and never having enough time alone was a huge factor as many teenagers stay up late or are generally around in the evenings watching TV. Only 9% said they didn’t feel like sex and 46% said that having more privacy and time away from their children would significantly improve their sex life.
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Bringing back romance
Having a good relationship is not only healthy for you but also for your family. Parents need to put the romance back into their lives. All children, whatever their ages, can be exhausting and overwhelming and parents feel that they are being selfish if they think of themselves rather than their children. A recent Children’s Society survey found that 70% of children reported that their parents having a good relationship made them happy whilst only 30% of parents recognised this.
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Having a strong relationship with your partner not only improves your connection but benefits your whole family. When children see their parents being physically affectionate it can have a positive response as to how they will build relationships in the future. Many teenagers will squirm at their parents being intimate but it is important for them to realise that physical contact is vital to building relationships.
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Privacy is difficult when you have children at any age but small children do normally have a regular bedtime. Younger children won’t even be aware of what you are doing if they do walk in on you and can be put back to bed. Teenagers roaming around the house at all hours can be extremely off putting but having locks on the door can help to avoid embarrassing interruptions.
From personal experience, if you do get interrupted, your teenager will only ever do that once: they will be more mortified than you! Try to have your own private space, be it a spare room or make your bedroom into a sitting room too. Make your children aware that this is your space and your time so no interruptions unless some one has died, severely injured themselves or the house is on fire!
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Making time for each other is important so try to get family to look after your children or send them to the cinema for a few hours. Sex does not need to be penetrative: try cuddling, touching, holding each other and kissing. Being tender towards each other may mean that sex might be on the agenda later in the day! Planning a weekend away is beneficial but not everyone can afford to do this. It can also make your children appreciate you more when they have been parted from you, even for a few days. Being a single parent and wanting to have a sex life can be difficult. As a lone parent your whole life is centred around your children and you can feel weighted down by responsibility. Children can feel unsettled when meeting any new partner but don’t feel guilty about trying to establish a new relationship. It is best to keep your sex life away from home at first, so ask family or friends to look after your children whilst you establish your new relationship away from home.